End.

Everyone is preparing to go back to school, but I still have a week of break left! Not sure what I’ll be doing, but there’s tons of options, most of them productive. But that doesn’t mean that’s what I’ll be doing x:

This break has probably been one of the most enjoyable for me, although a lot of not so good things happened also. But! I was able to hang out with home friends a lot more than usual, and just being home is doing a lot to help me stay calm and motivated. I feel like I never want to go back to Berkeley.

I have really changed my mindset since sophomore year though. Now I feel like I’ve been trying a lot harder to just enjoy Berkeley and be okay about being there. And it’s working. But coming home twice a year reminds me that Berkeley isn’t quite the standard I should be holding myself to. People in Berkeley seem to be chasing their own dreams and don’t quite care if you follow along or not. Somewhere along the way I think I got caught up and tried to make unrealistic goals for myself, comparing my goals to other people’s, and thinking I had to follow along this written-in-stone path. I’ve always been a follower. Following everyone else’s expectations of me is how I’ve always made my decisions, because I’ve never made my own. I am indecisive. I am more indecisive than most, so it becomes relatively easy to just let someone else take the wheel. When it comes time for me to actually step up, though, I tend to choke and pick what I think would benefit someone else.

I think I need to relax and take everything one step at a time. It’s time to pursue things because I find interest in them, not because it’ll get me somewhere in the future, or because it’s what most people do, but because I’d like to end up somewhere enjoyable to me, not someone else’s dream. I hope when I read this post in the future, I won’t feel like I’m lying to myself.

Please tell me things worked out all right. I hope you grew a pair and swallowed your pride and fear.